The season of Epiphany is also bringing contrast into my bland, chilly winter landscape. The stories we hear on Sunday mornings are pointing out all the reasons I need Jesus - all the ways I cop out and cry uncle on this faith journey. I hear my own hesitation or insecurity in these texts:
I am a Pharisee loitering on the sidelines
while John baptizes in the wilderness.
I am tempted by every voice that dares me
to prove my worth and power.
I am turned upside down by Jesus blessing the unexpected
and his urging to pray for God's will instead of my own.
I am hoarding bread and fish,
skeptical of my own satisfaction and the miracle at hand.
I am building dwellings for Jesus and the prophets,
desperate to serve in tangible ways while totally missing the point.
I need Epiphany. The stories and season offer overwhelming clarity that can change everything. The comfort and familiarity of Christmas gives way to tricky discipleship, wide love, and brave faith.
God, I offer my blurry confusion and tentative heart in exchange for your good vision. Give me eyes that focus with wonder and new joy - just like Solveig's.