I fear I become a brassy know-it-all right before giving birth.
I'm impatient and tired. Sleeping in 30 minute intervals and using the restroom round the clock makes me feel snarky and demanding. Thus, I have words for the House and Senate as we approach the January 15 stopgap spending bill deadline.
My whole professional career has been during this recession, which has made me a crafty saver and a thoughtful spender. My husband and I are probably over-educated for our respective earning potential, but love what we do and that's what matters.
I get frustrated watching our leaders whine and butt heads about this country's finances, as though everyone needs to get what they want and their reelection is our collective priority. So here are my suggestions, you stumped politicians. Take 'em or leave 'em.
1. Fall in love with someone who differs from you politically. Pull a Carville | Matalin and figure out how to be passionate about the issues and respectful about the people. Learn to play Devil's Advocate well. Begin to believe that there are smart people out there who think differently than you do.
2. Sign a legal document that ties you to them for life and sleep with them. That's when you know it's not just posturing! I think this would work well among our nation's politicians. Stop sleeping with your aides and nannies and instead draw names with your colleagues across the aisle. You'd probably get more accomplished and we wouldn't have to hear so much about your Twitter feeds and sleazy emails.
3. Try running a business (or pastoring a church) that makes miracles happen on a shoestring budget. Budgets aren't just about slashing or just about handouts. They're about careful generosity. They're about planning well and having really hard conversations. They're about faithful flexibility. And when you find that sweet spot between responsibility and extravagant relationships, there's nothing partisan about it.
4. Accidentally get pregnant with twins. While you're trying to balance a tiny business' or congregation's budget, find out your personal budget is about to get blown out of the water by 20 diapers a day and two more mouths to feed. Then take a Xanax, buck up, and get to work with your partner across the aisle. Together you'll figure out something that works without bickering and blaming. Why's that? Because you'll be in it together, silly. You'll be rooting for each other and your collective future.
5. Stop leaning so heavily into deadlines and the eleventh hour. Getting pregnant with twins will be good practice for this - especially if you're orchestrating your own parental leave logistics while balancing these budgets and loving someone across the aisle. With multiples, your due date doesn't mean much, so you can't take that third trimester for granted. You work ahead and you work hard. You communicate well and do your best to make sure people aren't left in the lurch if you run out of time.
So there you have it. My brassy, bossy, Big Mama opinions about January 15 and life in general. If these kids come soon, you won't have to deal with another outburst from me this winter…but aren't you glad you got this one?